God's Anger

Hebrews 3:10-11

“…So I was angry with them, and I said,

‘Their hearts always turn away from me.

They refuse to do what I tell them.’
So in my anger I took an oath:
‘They will never enter my place of rest.’” (NLT)

“Now we go out to our fellows and repair the damage done in the past. We attempt to sweep away the debris which has accumulated out of our efforts to live on self-will and run the show ourselves. If we haven’t the will to do this, we ask until it comes. Remember it was agreed at the beginning we would go to any lengths for victory over alcohol.” (Alcoholics Anonymous, page 76)

Can you make amends to God?
I turn my heart to him,
I seek his way – to know and walk.
I understand his wrath.
Like Daddy, tired of my
“I’m sorry”
saying, “Don’t be sorry.
Don’t do it!”
I don’t want to, God,
don’t want to wander back
the way I came,
to self-will, to heart turned inward.
I offer my amends, God,
not “I’m sorry,”
but living in your will.

God, I’m willing to go to any lengths.
Make it true, God.

Scripture quotations marked NLT are taken from the Holy Bible,
New Living Translation, copyright 1996, 2004.
Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc.,
Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

Living My Sorry

Hebrews 3:10-11

“…So I was angry with them, and I said,

‘Their hearts always turn away from me.

They refuse to do what I tell them.’
So in my anger I took an oath:
‘They will never enter my place of rest.’” (NLT)

“Now we go out to our fellows and repair the damage done in the past. We attempt to sweep away the debris which has accumulated out of our efforts to live on self-will and run the show ourselves. If we haven’t the will to do this, we ask until it comes. Remember it was agreed at the beginning we would go to any lengths for victory over alcohol.” (Alcoholics Anonymous, page 76)

Can you make amends to God?
I turn my heart to him,
I seek his way – to know and walk.
I understand his wrath.
Like Daddy, tired of my
“I’m sorry”
saying, “Don’t be sorry.
Don’t do it!”
I don’t want to, God,
don’t want to wander back
the way I came,
to self-will, to heart turned inward.
I offer my amends, God,
not “I’m sorry,”
but living in your will.

God, I’m willing to go to any lengths.
Make it true, God.

Scripture quotations marked NLT are taken from the Holy Bible,
New Living Translation, copyright 1996, 2004.
Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc.,
Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

Thanks for Your Helping Hand

Hebrews 3:7-9

Warning Against Unbelief
“Today when you hear his voice,
don’t harden your hearts
as Israel did when they rebelled,
when they tested me in the wilderness.

There your ancestors tested and tried my patience,
even though they saw my miracles for forty years. (NIV)

“Your candidate may give reasons why he need not follow all of the program. He may rebel at the thought of a drastic housecleaning which requires discussion with other people. Do not contradict such views. Tell him you once felt as he does, but you doubt whether you would have made much progress had you not taken action.” (Alcoholics Anonymous, page 94)

Insight,
that’s what I lacked.
You’ve shown me how it works.
I know from here I’ll be just fine,
my problems fixed, my life aligned.
I admire your dedication,
your fervor,
but I don’t need
the constant prod,
the repetition.
I thank you for your help.
Yeah, that was me. I said all that.
But now I’m back.
I’m listening.

God, if I could fix it I would have.
Let me let go so you can fix it
and hold it together
as long as I release it to you
each day,
each hour,
each now.

Scripture taken from the HOLY BIBLE,
NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®.
Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 Biblica.
Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved.

Fear Facing

Hebrews 3:5-6

Moses was faithful as a servant in all God's house, testifying to what would be said in the future. But Christ is faithful as a son over God's house. And we are his house, if we hold on to our courage and the hope of which we boast. (NLT)

“We can laugh at those who think spirituality the way of weakness. Paradoxically, it is the way of strength. The verdict of the ages is that faith means courage. All men of faith have courage. They trust their God. We never apologize for God. Instead we let Him demonstrate, through us, what He can do. We ask Him to remove our fear and direct our attention to what he would have us be. At once, we commence to outgrow fear.” (Alcoholics Anonymous, page 68)

What would God have me be?
Fearless.
A person of hope,
one who holds on to courage.
No, that’s not what I mean…
Doctor, lawyer, merchant,
writer, teacher, judge,
mother, wife, woman.
What does God want me to be?
Fearless.
A person of hope,
one who holds on to courage.
Then all these things —
or at least the right ones —
will be given.

God, take my fears —
which you know are legion! —
and show me what you want me
to be.

Scripture quotations marked NLT are taken from the Holy Bible,
New Living Translation, copyright 1996, 2004.
Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc.,
Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

Worthy Is the Lamb

Hebrews 3:3-4

Jesus has been found worthy of greater honor than Moses, just as the builder of a house has greater honor than the house itself. For every house is built by someone, but God is the builder of everything. (NIV)

“God, I offer myself to Thee – to build with me and do with me as Thou wilt.” (Alcoholics Anonymous, page 63)

He’s building
I’m not even the building,
just the materials – and but a piece.
Who’s he for me to
set the plan,
to dictate who to help
and how?
How dare I tell him
what I need,
order his prompt obeisance?
Worthy is the lamb.
Worthy of respect,
worthy of honor,
worthy of submission.

God,
I offer myself to Thee —
to build with me
and do with me
as Thou wilt.

Scripture taken from the HOLY BIBLE,
NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®.
Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 Biblica.
Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved.

As Moses Was Faithful

Hebrews 3:2

He was faithful to the one who appointed him, just as Moses was faithful in all God's house. (NIV)

“Besides a seeming inability to accept much on faith, we often found ourselves handicapped by obstinacy, sensitiveness, and unreasoning prejudice.” (Alcoholics Anonymous, pp 47-48)

Say Moses died at 120,
less wandering forty years,
lose maybe five more years
after shedding sandals
for the burning bush —
at my age was he scared,
maybe obstinate, touchy,
hating Egyptians?
Did Moses learn faithfulness?
When? In an instant, picking up that rod?
In seven days of plagues?
During forty nights and days on Sinai?
I’ve got only one day,
one night,
right now.
But I’m faithful now.

Lord, Paul talked about
the shield of faith,
helmet of salvation,
and sword of the spirit.
I pray for all of that
and the grace to accept it when offered.

Scripture taken from the HOLY BIBLE,
NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®.
Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 Biblica.
Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved.

Holy Brethren

Hebrews 3:1

Wherefore, holy brethren, partakers of the heavenly calling, consider the Apostle and High Priest of our profession, Christ Jesus; (KJV)

“From a trembling, despairing, nervous wreck, had emerged a man brimming over with self-reliance and contentment. I talked with him for some time, but was not able to bring myself to feel that I had known him before. To me he was a stranger, and so he left me. A long time has passed with no return to alcohol.” (Alcoholics Anonymous, page xxxi)

Holy brethren, us?
brethren, certainly, but holy?
Yes.
Our pasts are not us – we’re not
who we were,
not barrel-bottom scum
any more.
We’re changed,
lifted to the fourth dimension
of existence,
holy, brethren with each other
children of the
power to change.

God, you took me from
a despairing nervous wreck
and made me holy. What can I do
for you?

Pain, the teacher

Hebrews 2:18

Since he himself has gone through suffering and testing, he is able to help us when we are being tested. (NLT)

“The faith and sincerity of both you and your husband will be put to the test. These work-outs should be regarded as part of your education, for thus you will be learning to live.” (Alcoholics Anonymous, page 117)

Pain is always the teacher,
which makes the pain
more tolerable
if I can just remember that,
if I can go past seeing some wisdom
and really buy into the notion.
Pain does make me more tolerant
of others facing such,
unless I take credit
for God’s grace
in bringing me through,
a better person,
renounced by my forgetting
the Source.

God, the source of all that’s good
help me to trust you through the pain
of growth.

Scripture quotations marked NLT are taken from the Holy Bible,
New Living Translation, copyright 1996, 2004.
Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc.,
Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

Merciful and Faithful

Hebrews 2:17

Wherefore in all things it behoved him to be made like unto his brethren, that he might be a merciful and faithful high priest in things pertaining to God, to make reconciliation for the sins of the people. (KJV)

“We pocket our pride and go o it, illuminating every twist of character, every dark cranny of the past. Once we have taken this step, withholding nothing, we are delighted.” (Alcoholics Anonymous, page 75)

Mercy me!
Mercy! Me?
Merciful to me!
How can you know
my baseness
my depravity
and accept me?
How can one so good,
so pure,
not shun me
but hug me,
accept me,
love me?
Mercy!

God of grace,
God of mercy,
thank you for your faithfulness.

Abraham's seed

Hebrews 2:16

For surely it is not angels he helps, but Abraham's descendants. (NIV)

“When many hundreds of people are able to say that the consciousness of the Presence of God is today the most important fact of their lives, they present a powerful reason why one should have faith.” (Alcoholics Anonymous, page 51)

Angels those alcoholics weren’t,
an angel I’m not.
Like Abraham I give up waiting
for God’s promises
and take matters into my hands.
I misunderstand,
get scared and lie to save
myself,
forsaking the parts worth saving
in the process.
God wins, though,
no matter what I do.
God wins,
and with his triumph
I win.

God, take me,
my character defects,
my plans, my hopes, my dreams,
and trump them with
Heaven on earth.

Scripture taken from the HOLY BIBLE,
NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®.
Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 Biblica.
Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved.

Like me!

Hebrews 2:14

Because God’s children are human beings—made of flesh and blood—the Son also became flesh and blood. For only as a human being could he die, and only by dying could he break the power of the devil, who had the power of death. (NLT)

“After your man has gone along without drinking for a few months, you may be able to make use of his services with other employees who are giving you the alcoholic run-around…. An alcoholic who has recovered, but holds a relatively unimportant job, can talk to a man with a better position. Being on a radically different basis of life, he will never take advantage of the situation.” (Alcoholics Anonymous, page 146)

Same, same;
different, different.
Same, different,
different same.
Some differences matter – big time.
Others flavor.
You tell me it’s fine to have just a bit,
I’ve earned it, I’ve done so well.
You’ve no idea what a snippet would do,
how total debacle would follow.
You have to be like me
to understand me,
to gain my trust in my insanity
with my recovery.

God, thanks for putting people in my life
who’ve walked this path,
who lead me to recovery and to you.

Scripture quotations marked NLT are taken from the Holy Bible,
New Living Translation, copyright 1996, 2004.
Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc.,
Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

Footprints Through the Minefield

Hebrews 2:14

Because God’s children are human beings—made of flesh and blood—the Son also became flesh and blood. For only as a human being could he die, and only by dying could he break the power of the devil, who had the power of death. (NLT)

“How can they rise out of such misery, bad repute and hopelessness? The practical answer is that since these things have happened among us, they can happen with you. Should you wish them above all else, and be willing to make use of our experience, we are sure they will come. The age of miracles is still with us. Our own recovery proves that!” (Alcoholics Anonymous, page 153)

The devil made me do it –
the devil that’s my need,
my habit, my compulsion.
The devil held me, made me want to die,
made me need to die to break free,
to live.
Impossible, the task –
impossible to turn around,
transmogrify debris,
craft elegance from dung.
Had not a crowd of witnesses
walked the steps ahead,
left footprints through the minefield,
I’d have given up, stayed dead,
dismissing the follow of the path.

God, thanks for leading me,
for sending others, a visible, tangible
example of hope, of life.

Scripture quotations marked NLT are taken from the Holy Bible,
New Living Translation, copyright 1996, 2004.
Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc.,
Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

Bless the Children

Hebrews 12:13

He also said,

“I will put my trust in him,”

that is, “I and the children God has given me.” (NLT)

“The alcoholic’s past thus becomes the principal asset of the family and frequently it’s almost the only one!” (Alcoholics Anonymous, page 124)

Shame, humiliation, well-deep
sorrow
embedded in my soul.
How could I have inflicted
my pain, my angst, on children
gifted to me,
on young lives held in trust?
Joy, humility, sky-high
jubilation
exploding from my soul.
Recovery – like addiction – spreads
throughout families,
gifting children and children’s children
with hope, with sanity, with peace.

God, thank you for second chances,
for children who turned out fine
despite the drama.
Thanks for time to mend.

Scripture quotations marked NLT are taken from the Holy Bible,
New Living Translation, copyright 1996, 2004.
Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc.,
Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

Anonymously yours

Hebrews 2:12

Saying, I will declare thy name unto my brethren, in the midst of the church will I sing praise unto thee. (KJV)

“When writing or speaking publicly about alcoholism, we urge each of our Fellowship to omit his personal name, designating himself instead as ‘a member of Alcoholics Anonymous.’” (Alcoholics Anonymous, 4^th edition, page xiii)

Among us,
between friends —
though people we never met —
we declare his name, our names,
bare secrets closest friends don’t know.
Away from here, I just know you, no explaining
where, how.
I want to tell it on the mountain,
proclaim recovery for the taking,
share the gift, name the names,
proffer evidence.
But wisdom concedes the gift
of anonymity, looking not at us as proof
but higher, to power, to peace.

God, you’re our proffer, our peace.
Give me humility to know
people can recover without my proclamations.