Soliloquy

I should let you know this was written at the suggestion of another, specifically on the subject of fears, sadness and loving myself. While it is very true, reflecting my own feelings, they are not specifically current feelings, so those of you who know me, don't worry about me, okay? I'm FINE. I'm thriving.

Soliloquy

Hello, mirrored face.
Can’t find a smile?
I’ll not ask for one. I accept you.
You don’t have to pretend,
don’t have to chant your childhood mantra,
“I’m fine. Just fine.”
You don’t believe it
and honesty opens doors.
If you and I can’t be honest,
who can be? Can people really
tell the truth? The whole truth?
Nothing but the truth?
Say what you mean.
Mean what you say.
Don’t say it mean.
Cute. But doable?

Hello, mirrored face,
furrowed brow. Your fears show.
Who can be afraid of tomorrow,
of years to come when today looms,
ominous, daunting,
a virtual dare.
Fears circumscribe the day,
the people, the faces
waiting for you to shine
or fall on your face.

Hello, mirrored face,
sad eyes echoing years of trying,
years of doing, decades of striving
to please, of looking up begging
like a dog beneath the table,
delighted with a tidbit – gristle's fine,
just see me, toss a crumb of kindness.
Just know I shine more often than
I fall on my face.

Hello, mirrored face.
You know, you have a sweet face —
what did that ticket seller in the bus station
tell the young you all those years ago?
Why not remember the exact words —
with so few kind words to follow?
Oh, for goodness sake.
You know that’s not true. They were there
in spades, but they sloughed off —
you only grasped the bad, the negative,
the put-downs.
That’s subject to edits, you know.
You can hear the praise, let it seep in,
accept it, feel worthy of it. You are,
you know. Worthy. You are.

Hello, mirrored face.
Let’s expect to tick through the tasks
of the day, one by one, amazing others —
you’re used to that. But this time, what about
amazing me? And you. This time let’s know
it’s done well.
Did you know people love you?
How about that package yesterday?
You don’t even remember him, but ten years later,
he knew you, sent you his treasures.
How’s that for affirmation?
Let’s set aside the sadness. You can’t be loved
by someone who can’t love.
You can’t please someone
who can’t be pleased.
You can be loved by the vast majority
of folks you meet, lives you touch.
You’re loved. Heck, even I love you
through my fears, my sadness, my doubts.