Galatians 2:19

It was the Law itself that killed me and freed me from its power, so that I could live for God.

I have been nailed to the cross with Christ. (CEV)

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Above everything, we alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness. We must, or it kills us! God makes that possible. (Alcoholics Anonymous, page 62)

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Whatever
I've tried all these years
over and over again
didn't work.
Why should I trust it to work now?
Do I relish guilt,
savor shame,
revel in remorse?
Emphatically not!
Why, then, should I persist,
why try harder when I know
I could not before have done more
than I did, at least briefly...
I'm incompetent, powerless,
unable to manage my life,
my responsibilities.
It's time to toss my pride in the rag pile
and allow the results
even if I can't claim
responsibility.

God, thank you!
I don't have to be
responsible.

Galatians 2:17-18

Now if, as we seek the real truth about justification, we find we are as much sinners as the Gentiles, does that mean that Christ makes us sinners? Of course not! But if I attempt to build again the whole structure of justification by the Law then I do, in earnest, make myself a sinner. (Phillips)

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It is easy to let up on the spiritual program of action and rest on our laurels. We are headed for trouble if we do, for alcohol is a subtle foe. We are not cured of alcoholism. What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition. (Alcoholics Anonymous, page 85)

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Out of alignment
I reclaim my course,
tried, proven untrue,
but so logical, so cogent, so clear.

And so wrong.
Of myself I am nothing.
I become something only when
abandoning myself
I yield to God, to a higher will
a greater good
to the real truth.
The gifts received, recovery gained,
persist conditionally
dependent on my choice
of acceptance or rejection
each this day.

I give up, God.
I still can't run my life.
It's in your hands.

Galatians 2:15-16

“We are Jews by nature and not sinners from among the Gentiles; nevertheless knowing that a man is not justified by the works of the Law but through faith in Christ Jesus, even we have believed in Christ Jesus, so that we may be justified by faith in Christ and not by the works of the Law; since by the works of the Law no flesh will be justified..." (NASB)

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"...I knew from that moment that I had an alcoholic mind. I saw that will power and self-knowledge would not help in those strange mental blank spots. I had never been able to understand people who said that a problem had them hopelessly defeated. I knew then. It was a crushing blow." (Alcoholics Anonymous, page 42)

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Impossible.

Can't be done.

Never in a million years —
I know because I tried a million times.
It's no more my nature to be good
than it's to be expected
those monkeys can type
Shakespeare's writings.
But those "in the know"
call the monkey-feat
the mathematical term "almost surely."
Sure.
In a pig's eye.
Sure.
In God's hands.

I can't, God.
But you can.
If I turn lose, you will.
Won't you?

Self Worth

Humility is just a correct understanding of your own self worth.

Nearly a century ago, my Sunday school teacher was Mary Hoffeinz, a dear woman teaching the college class across the street from a United Methodist college where her husband was my New Testament professor. I remember Mary most clearly for two truisms. She didn't like singing the chorus of the hymn "Are Ye Able?" After verses like this:

“Are ye able,” said the Master,
“To be crucified with Me?”
“Yea,” the sturdy dreamers answered,
“To the death we follow Thee.”

we were to sing this:

Lord, we are able. Our spirits are Thine.
Remold them, make us, like Thee, divine.
Thy guiding radiance above us shall be
A beacon to God, to love and loyalty.

Mary was quite sure this was pure braggadociousness, that we were no more able than the disciples. Normally she stood in mute protest during the whole song. When that seemed inappropriate under rare circumstances, it became the prayer, "Lord, make us able!"

I also recall her mantra that too many people are continually being born again and never grow up.

Looking back from the perspective of Recovery, I interpret her to say something consistent with, "Live so you don't have to keep doing inventories, Fifth steps, and amends. In other words, work steps Ten, Eleven and Twelve daily, and it's the equivalent of not being born again and again."

Galatians 2:14

When I saw that they were not acting in line with the truth of the gospel, I said to Cephas in front of them all, “You are a Jew, yet you live like a Gentile and not like a Jew. How is it, then, that you force Gentiles to follow Jewish customs?..." (NIV)

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Above everything, we alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness. We must, or it kills us! (Alcoholics Anonymous, page 62)

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It is important for him to realize that your attempt to pass this on to him plays a vital part in your own recovery. Actually, he may be helping you more than you are helping him. (Alcoholics Anonymous, page 94)

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Hypocrite!

Pretender! Phony!

A sanctimonious sham!

Was Peter deceitful?

Are we all when we claim

to disown selfishness

but recruit for our own benefit?

Others may be – it's not my concern.
What matters is my fraud,
writing such truths when mostly
they're to tutor me,
to school me in my own deceits.
I hear myself share what I wish to be true,
what I strive to receive,
what I know awaits me
when at long last
I lay down my piety
and finally figure out
surrender.

Forgive me my hypocrisy, God.
Please give me true faith.

Galatians 2:13

As a result, other Jewish Christians followed Peter’s hypocrisy, and even Barnabas was led astray by their hypocrisy. (NLT)

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I fancied myself a leader, for had not the men of my battery given me a special token of appreciation? My talent for leadership, I imagined, would place me at the head of vast enterprises which I would manage with the utmost assurance. (Alcoholics Anonymous, page 1)

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Managing with the utmost assurance —

yep, rings true, I've been there.

Peter, simple fisherman transformed 

to key carrier, not just for a meeting

but to the kingdom all in a few short years.

How fearful he must have been,

how often. 

Do I need a report from his POV?

No. No need to take his inventory,

just mine.

When I find myself a leader

by vote of peers or default, 

my responsibility lies not

in keeping waters calm

but in being qualified to lead,

allowing that to come from 

a power far greater than I, 

and seeking daily the power's directive

and
the will and courage
to lead there.

God, I offer myself.
While I'd prefer anonymity,
I'm willing to yield
to your plan.

Galatians 2:11-12

When Cephas came to Antioch, I opposed him to his face, because he stood condemned. For before certain men came from James, he used to eat with the Gentiles. But when they arrived, he began to draw back and separate himself from the Gentiles because he was afraid of those who belonged to the circumcision group. (NIV)

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For our group purpose there is but one ultimate authority—a loving God as He may express Himself in our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants; they do not govern. (Alcoholics Anonymous, Tradition Two)

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Tough call, leaving trivial behind.

Hard job to set aside old prejudice,

see people as people —

not as Jew or Gentile,

not male, female, old, young,

hale, infirm, addict, "normie,"

straight, gay, citizen, stranger.

If behavior stands up, rings true

before God,

why censor it

before disapproving others?

Who is a leader?

One who talks, influences, coerces?

Or one who takes the high road,

the ethical path

no matter what vocal others think?

God, when you show me right,

walk with me,

shoving me in right direction

when you must

but hopefully filling me with

conviction replacing fears.