The word "resent" comes from the Latin root sentire meaning "to feel" with the prefix "re" meaning again. We feel again the insult, the shame, the anger, the guilt, the humiliation when we indulge in resentment. We relive and thus re-feel events from yesterday or decades ago, and instead of dulling in time, often the emotional level increases with the replaying.
We're selective, though, in our re-feeling. As we discovered in Step 5, we don't emember the whole sequence of events. Instead we purposefully forget our part. We lay aside how our behavior may have set in motion the other party's action.
Sometimes they actually didn't act at all. They did nothing, and because we had the understanding, never expressed outside our own mind, they should do something or say something or be something, we resent. Again, and again, and again. They never ever were even bothered by the event, since they never knew what was expected of them or that their not doing it hurt us. Then years later, we plot revenge against them for the imagined injury, when the only injury ever suffered is self-inflicted. It's time, then, to remedy the pain we feel repeatedly. To do this we have to practice purposeful forgetting once more, this time forgetting the wrong.
But how can we forget a wrong? Not all of the resentments sprung from imagined injuries. Instead, the action of the other caused very real pain, pain the person inflicting it on us understand so very well and simply ignored. Surely we can never forget it!
Perhaps not. Have you ever been challenged not to think about the tip of your nose? Go ahead. Sit there. Time yourself for a minute and don't think of the tip of your nose. Of course there's no need even to try. It's impossible. You can, though, contemplate the coffee mug in front of you for a minute. And, when you finish that process, if you're asked if during that time you thought about the tip of your nose, probably you'd answer in the negative.
We don't have to dwell on wrongs done us-like we have for all the time since the occurrence. Instead, we can think of the good things about the person, the beneficial effect that may have come from the wrong itself if perhaps we became stronger through the process.
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things. - Philippians 8:4 (NIV)
You've been wanting to get even with the person you resented for so very long. Do it. Purposefully forget the resentment, and you'll be even, even ahead.
_______________
For the resentments on your list that still bother you, what can you think of when these resurface? How can you practice purposeful forgetting?
No comments:
Post a Comment