I have told many of you that the betrayal last April/May was one I was able to take in stride, that I wasn't angry, was over it. Denial. Don't even know that I'm lying. Yes, the woman who betrayed me is a sick woman, yes, I've moved past the professional hurt. But still, there were relationship issues way behind that, and the plain fact is, I weigh now basically what I weighed last April/May. I didn't let it go. I held on, tight, keeping the resentment and the hurt on my own body. As though that could hurt her. How ridiculous. How true.
But not, it's not denial. Now I know I really am over it. Maybe it was the April around the corner that got me here, because the first part of April was when the other stuff started happening last year. But I've been absolutely abstinent since Monday first thing, March 30, and I'm not denying I'm taking back my life.
Thank God!
3 comments:
good to hear you've turned a corner on that. bh
Thank you for saying what I really needed to hear. Your honesty makes me feel so good. It also makes me want to clean up my corner too. I appreciate your writings. Thanks again
Stepper, here are a couple paragraphs from an essay on another blog i subscribe to. thought they were relevant to some of your musings on the temptations we have to turn to computer games and mindless stuff when there's actually productive stuff available to work on. bh
The playwright Samuel Beckett says we have only two options in this world: suffering or boredom. We get to choose which. As he puts it:
"The pendulum oscillates between these two terms:
Suffering—that opens a window on the real
and is the main condition of the artistic experience—
and Boredom."
But it's amazing how attractive boredom looks on the days when our suffering feels unbearable. Give me boredom. Give me distractions, wasteful hours, duties, people, noise, internet, or never-ending things to do and accomplish, but please don't make me suffer any more.
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