A Principled Life

Karen Casey, author of Each Day a New Beginning (which has sold over three million copies) and other books including My Story to Yours - A Guided Memoir for Writing Your Recovery Journey which was published this year, has graciously allowed publication of this question and my answer. Thanks, too, to Karen Casey for her cover blurb for A Cloud of Witnesses - Two Big Books and Us by Barbara B. Rollins with OAStepper.


Hi OAStepper,


I read this, am going to sleep, and I'm not exactly sure, but I thought of sending it to you. I don't fully understand it and if you could, would you be willing to shed some light?

SEPTEMBER 28

I can honestly say that I was never affected by the question of the success of an undertaking. If I felt it was the right thing to do, I was for it regardless of the possible outcome.

—Golda Meir

Living a principled life is what the inner self desires. It’s what God desires. And it’s what the healthier ego desires. Living the program’s principles is giving each of us practice in living a principled life, one that is free of guilt for our shortcomings.

Having principles assures direction. We need not ponder long how to proceed in any situation, what decision to make regarding any matter, when we are guided by principles. They offer us completeness. They help us define who we are and who we will be, in any turn of events.

As women, particularly as recovering women, we have struggled with self-definition. Often we were as others defined us, or we merely imitated those close by. Sometimes we may slip into old behavior and lose sight of who we are and how we want to live. It’s then that the program’s principles come immediately to our aid.

There is no doubt about how today should be lived. I will do it with confidence and joy.

Quoted from the book Each Day a New Beginning.

My response:

What would your life look like as a principled life? It's basically doing the next right thing, but it's doing it without the nagging doubts that plague you. It's not just not asking about the woman your husband was involved with in the past or looking at the phone bill, or any of that obsessive/compulsive stuff you feel drawn to do. It's wanting to do the next right thing, really putting the other stuff as things of the past, of things you cannot control, as none of your business. It is running your business because people need to be the services you offer to live better and reach their own goals. It's helping your customers one at a time, knowing you have time, not wasting it but not worried about time limits set by your employer, knowing God will give you the rhythm to see to clients' real needs, to be of service both to the client and to the employer. 

Your inner self wants peace and serenity more than anything, and this is the way to/result of a principled life. You know the principles of OA, based on the Steps and the Traditions? 

Step One	Honesty
Step Two	Hope
Step Three	Faith
Step Four	Courage
Step Five	Integrity
Step Six	Willingness
Step Seven	Humility
Step Eight	Self-discipline
Step Nine	Love for others
Step Ten	Perseverance
Step Eleven	Spiritual Awareness
Step Twelve	Service
Tradition One	Unity
Tradition Two	Trust
Tradition Three	Identity
Tradition Four	Autonomy
Tradition Five	Purpose
Tradition Six	Solidarity
Tradition Seven	Responsibility
Tradition Eight	Fellowship
Tradition Nine	Structure
Tradition Ten	Neutrality
Tradition Eleven	Anonymity
Tradition Twelve	Spirituality

You get a principled life, AKA peace and serenity, by living these principles of OA, and this principled life is not only what you want but what God wants for you and what your healthier ego desires. 

Then that kicker, "...one that is free of guilt for our shortcomings." When you go to bed at night you calmly review your day. You look at a snit you threw in the office, a text message trying to run somebody else's life, being late to an appointment - whatever - and just kind of take it out and look at it, realize  you could have done it differently, that from the calmness of your sitting there thinking about it, you wish you had, but without the anguish of guilt, without the emotional turmoil these realizations always seem to ignite. It's like sorting through a pot of pinto beans you're about to cook and picking out the bad beans, tossing them, meaning accepting that they added nothing, and you trust yourself to get it "right" next time. 

Doing the next right thing doesn't mean you are unorganized and fritter from one thing to another as that instant's circumstances dictate. The interruptions no longer are a new path, but a movement to the side to another aspect that actually was part of the ultimate plan even though you see absolutely no correlation. But when you finish with that diversion and the two following quickly on its heels, you're still on the path and continue to move to the undertaking that feels like the right project, the right direction now. Since you didn't pick the path, you're moving forward at just the right time as long as you're open to guidance. But it's SO much easier. You're not tied up, you have your mind on where you are and what you are doing at the moment, and you know what to do then and there without the emotional roller coaster of taking the weight of the outcome on your shoulders (or in your hands). You've got the guidance you asked for on arising, for knowledge of God's will for your life and the power to carry it out, and the principles as you live them make that knowledge of his will clearer in communication, easier to detect in a moment of crisis or contemplation. 

"They offer us completeness." Isn't that an AMAZING sentence? You and your husband have made decisions about where to live, where to work, and what you want to build for the future while working programs. As you work more, get more enlightenment, that may evolve somewhat, but you know the general direction, and the evolution comes from God and is the right thing. Unless it doesn't, and then you're not comfortable with it, your stomach tightens when you move that way. 

Have you got any questions about how you struggled with self-definniton? Neither do I (as to me). Do you doubt you've taken your self-definition from your mother or your father or husband or others? When you acted like someone you thought had it all together, it wasn't the same as "act as if" unless that was a person in program who had what you wanted and you were taking guidance that came from God, perhaps through that very person. Slipping into old behavior... yeah. We ALL do it, not just you. Really! That's when you get the power from the principles and live a principled life to get back to the serenity and peace.