Thursday, February 7, 2008

Seventy and Seven

Consider Matthew 18:21-22.

We live in the now. Today is the only day we have. While the Big Book at step eleven tells us to think about the next 24 hours and to consider our plan for the day, we can't control even that far ahead, though we can prepare for the scheduled and anticipated events. We can, though, choose whether to approach the day with a negative attitude, spreading proclamations of protestation. Or we can take the high road and approach the day with affirmative actions, which lead to positive creative acceptance.

Affirmative actions. Why "actions" rather than "thinking?" Because I've done enough thinking, enough acting on my mental calculations. That doesn't work. Affirmative actions moves it down a foot, from the head to the heart. Faith itself is an action, the act of moving to the point where we're uncomfortable. I've been living at the edge of my comfort zone for a while now, and to me it seems all too often I'm on the other side of the line. But that's where I want to stay, for that's where I grow.

What does positive creative acceptance do for me today? I'll meet with a group of people this afternoon, and the last few meetings have been tense, disagreement where it seldom surfaced before. I have a marble I got at an OA meeting last month in San Antonio, and it represents a resentment. I had thought I would bring it to the meeting as a reminder. I've been sleeping with it, praying when I find it during the night for a particular person to have everything I want for myself. At this point I'm free of the resentments, but that doesn't mean we'll suddenly agree at the meeting. Despite the fact the marble fell between the headboard and the wall last night and I forgot to dig it out and bring it, I'll have it in spirit. And I've thought about that hour of the twenty-four.

I will approach the meeting with humility which comes from surrender, from allowing myself to be taught. I know some people hurt me again and again, at home, at work, in any group where I work closely with others. We've all been hurt by people we love, by institutions we trusted, by ideas embedded in us from childhood. We can identify the hurt through steps four and five, clean our side of the street by six through nine, and we can forgive and cleanse ourselves of resentment. But we still have to interact with some of these people.

God is present in the world with, in, and through people. We live in the now, and if we fail, if we move to past hurts, we find ourselves stuck in negative energy. Living in the now requires our action. Now. The past resentments are gone. I don't have to develop new ones. I do that by not striking back. I will not put myself in a position to be a problem to other people. No, that doesn't mean I let them do what they want to do if that's inconsistent with truth and progress as I understand it. But it will not be personal to me. Differing with my ideas will not be perceived as an attack on me. The other has his own work to do, as I have mine. For me, it will center on the issues.

There is no need for me to assess the motives of other people. Living, for me, will not be a matter of just getting through another day--or another meeting. It's up to me to live in the now, to stay in the positive. I will move out of ego deflation. It's up to me to be happy, to be humble, to be faithful.
Above everything, we alcoholics [compulsive overeaters] must be rid of this selfishness. We must, or it kills us! God makes that possible. And there often seems no way of entirely getting rid of self without His aid. Many of us had moral and philosophical convictions galore, but we could not live up to them even though we would have liked to. Neither could we reduce our self-centeredness much by wishing or trying on our own power. We had to have God's help. (Alcoholics Anonymous, page 62.)
We get our of the negative, out of building new resentments no matter how short-lived they may be, by doing good positive actions, not just thinking. We surrender, gaining humility by allowing ourselves to be taught, and we practice the faith of moving to the uncomfortable place of accepting God in the person before us.
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What resentments have you recently formed? What could you have done to keep from forming them? What tense situations do you face in the next twenty-four hours? Are you willing to practice humility and faith?

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