Joseph, sold into slavery, imprisoned, isolated and living by his wits remained true to God. As a result, God led him to interpret dreams and thus to be placed in an extremely high position within Egypt. And his brothers appeared. Had he wanted them hurt, humiliated, humbled that was easily within his power. Instead, he sent them home to bring his full brother. Then, seeing they had really changed and didn't return with lies but having actually been honest with their father, he forgave and embraced them. I wonder if he could have done that the day after they sold him into slavery.
I sit here betrayed. I have been wronged, financially, emotionally, psychically, physically. I have been robbed of time, money, talent, I have been betrayed. By a friend. A "sister." And in wronging me she wronged my other friends who trusted her on my recommendation. She betrayed us all.
We began to see that the world and its people really dominated us. In that state, the wrong-doing of others, fancied or real, had power to actually kill. How could we escape? We saw that these resentments must be mastered, but how? We could not wish them away any more than alcohol.
This was our course: We realized that the people who wronged us were perhaps spiritually sick. Though we did not like their symptoms and the way these disturbed us, they, like ourselves, were sick too. We asked God to help us show them the same tolerance, pity, and patience that we would cheerfully grant a sick friend. When a person offended we said to ourselves, "This is a sick man. How can I be helpful to him? God save me from being angry. Thy will be done."
We avoid retaliation or argument. We wouldn't treat sick people that way. If we do, we destroy our chance of being helpful. We cannot be helpful to all people, but at least God will show us how to take a kindly and tolerant view of each and every one. (AA Big Book, pp. 66-67)
I know what the Big Book says. I am familiar with Emmet Fox's discourse on the absolute need for us to forgive "our trespassers as we forgive those who trespass against us." He talks about the fact a person with a resentment is tied to the person they resent, that to hold another person prison, the jailer, like the jailed, is confined and loses freedom. I know the right course, and even when this happened, when I became aware of it three hours ago, I knew the answer and the rage that was to be expected didn't happen. My counselor has told me the woman is jealous of my recovery, that she can't deal with being as near to me as she was in this situation where she backed out then stabbed me in the back. Gee, it would have been nice to know that before the fact. Sigh.
I can come close to managing forgiveness now, and I know it will come completely. The freedom from resentment, too. But where does it stop being retribution to keep from getting stabbed again? I don't have to trust her again. I don't have to share my confidences. Is it wrong to protect my partners who were also wronged by seeing legal damages? I don't know. I don't think so. But I don't know. God help us. God bless us every one.
Thanks for being out there, being my supportive community. Bless you.
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