...relief never came by confessing the sins of other people. Everybody has to confess his own. (Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions [AA] page 56)
When I began in OA (and still,) I relied heavily on downloaded mp3's of speakers, OA, AA, Al-Anon, whatever. My IPod with those are a trusted companion in the car, sleeping, traveling by plane, sitting at my computer. As a new member of OA listening to these I had visions of grandeur, being a circuit speaker, impressing people. Fortunately for me and for the people I might have spoken to, it didn't happen quickly. I've spoken twice now and am scheduled again for another in February. But God didn't open this door until I was ready. I've been concerned, though, with my telling my story last week. I was raw, a week after my father's death, and I'd had a deep understanding through that experience of an underlying belief that made my life the first 60 years what it was. But when I shared that, I did more confession for somebody else than I should have. I accept that, understand that, and have learned from that. Maybe it had a valid place and somebody in that group needed to hear it. I hope it did. But I think what I learned from it was both a lesson in humility and in love so it won't be repeated.
Paul said, "for there is no difference: For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God; Being justified freely by his grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus: " (Romans 3:22b-24) He goes on to say boasting is excluded. It's not a comparison of somebody else's fault and mine. I listened for too many years to people telling me I was good, that I didn't need to be changed, that I needed to separate myself from people unwilling to change. It was bad advice, and I fell back on it at least by implication. I have sinned. Everybody else has, too, but I can't change them. Except by changing me. And the point I was trying to make and did in-artfully is that changing me has changed people around me. And that's the powerful gift of recovery! Among many others. God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference! Amen, so be it.
1 comment:
I admire your ability to recognize when you may have offended someone else. That's hard for a lot of people. As you continue on page 56 of (Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions [AA])..."there is a deep need for every human being for practical insight and knowledge of his own personality flaws and for a discussion of them with an understanding and trustworthy person." I wish I could always recognize those flaws. I think most of the time I am so blinded by "self" that I can not see them. I guess I need to be praying for that insight into myself. God grant me the ability to see character flaws and recognize them so I can work on them. Thanks, you made me think.
Post a Comment