Rigorous Honesty

I'm being nudged toward "honesty" today. For Today tells me "Truth is always the same; honesty changes with my awareness." I picked up Julia Cameron's The Right To Write which I've been reading a paragraph to a page at a time for a heck of a long time in "the reading room." Today she was telling me to do an exercise, sitting down and responding to such open sentences as, "If I weren't to afraid, I'd..." and "What I'd really like to say is..." (those aren't quotes - don't have that book with me.)

I went by a vendor this morning to pick up something they'd prepared for me. It's the first time we'd talked since I retired, and we talked about that - and I found it "necessary" to stick in an unnecessary and unnice comment gratuitously. It was honest. It wasn't pertinent or needed. I got to the office and have all kinds of things I can do and my gut wants to hide, to waste time. Instead, I'm tackling the tasks at hand. Two of the items on my app telling me not to procrastinate today are "Write about recovery" and "Blog on OAStepper" and I'll check both those off with this. And hopefully in the process I'll also discover why I don't want to do the iProcrastinate program, I just want to delete the "i."

"If I let myself admit it, I..." have some resentments and fears raised yesterday. Neither is big. Both are fearsome because they challenge a comfort level for me. The result of the changes is a result I want. Part of me wants the changes. Part of me wants to hide. I will move forward with the positive part, and turn the rest over to God since it has nothing to do with today and that's all I need to concern myself with. That comes across as BS writing which Julia wouldn't appreciate after the chapter I read. But it's honest inside, and it is revealing, and it's freeing so I can move forward with exciting things waiting for me to do today. Tomorrow's not my issue. Good day!