A CLOUD OF WITNESSES - TWO BIG BOOKS AND US

This is not a blog for selling, for promoting. Yet, I know those of you who have read Slender Steps of Sanity - Twelve Step Notes of Hope will want to know I have another book, in which the primary author is Barbara B. Rollins, with me, OAStepper. The book first arrived in the publisher's office last Wednesday, and already sales are brisk. But that's not the purpose of this blog, as I said. The publisher is Eagle Wings Press (imprint of Silver Boomer Books) and you can get it at bookstores and online.

I want to talk about the title, though, and what it means to me in my recovery. The phrase is from the book of Hebrews, where chapter twelve, verse one reads (with verses two and three):

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. (NIV, ©2011 by Biblica)

"A great cloud of witnesses" – how expressive is that! The Contemporary English Version of the Bible uses the term "crowd of witnesses," as does the Good News Translation, but they are paraphrases. The idea of a cloud of witnesses certainly carries more of a zing, gets attention better. (However, the word crowd does carry the message of the passage.) Commentaries declare the meaning to be as in the Greek races with masses of people participating, then those who have finished stand on the sidelines and cheer on the others, helping them to finish. That, to me, is the epitome of Overeaters Anonymous. We've run a solo race for so long, and we couldn't do it, limped along struggled, gave up. But with the program, suddenly we're not alone and people care about us! Not only do the seasoned members, but newcomers walking in the door catch the spirit and cheer us on as well. So that part of the title represents the fellowship in Overeaters Anonymous. The subtitle, though, is necessary as well: Two Big Books and Us. Recovery is not just about the group. If it were, those other organizations we tried first would have been just fine. No, it's a spiritual program of twelve simple (but not easy) Steps. The two big books, of course, are the Bible, which for me is the message of my Higher Power, God, and the Big Book,  Alcoholics Anonymous. You don't have to read the book (though to be honest, I think you should) but do get the grace and power inherent in the title of the book.

The Ninth Tradition

9.   OA, as such, ought never be organized; but we may create service boards or committees directly responsible to those they serve. (O.A. Tradition 9)

My list said I should post here today. Uninspired, I decided to pick up OA literature and find a subject. Choosing the OA 12 and 12 (aka The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions of Overeaters Anonymous) I chose the 9th tradition in honor of the 9th month, not knowing what it was. I got there, and as always, the 9th tradition makes me smile. That's because I've observed something of OA past the group level. While groups do tend not to be organized, the service bodies can get funny. To be truthful, they feel vastly OVER organized to me since I don't like formal meetings.

Actually, my list of things to do today included more than posting to oastepper.blogspot.com. It also speaks of getting someone to tape an event about seven months off, to email a number of leaders in OA on the Intergroup level, and to prepare for our local Intergroup meeting I'll need to miss next weekend. It's also got contacting another service body in another fellowship, trying to communicate with them about some tapes I made a year and a half ago that we'd like to make more public. I'm trying to organize me, which is tough and needs to be done lots more than organizing OA beyond the local group level.

Hum. Listen to what I said. That's the message for this post, what I need to hear. I hope you do understand I use my writing about recovery most of the time to talk to myself. My thoughts flitter away, totally unorganized, so if I'm going to know what my thoughts are about any subject, I have to write. (And since I can't ready my handwriting and actually write much better typing than by hand, it's always on a computer.)

Traditions are not just about how to run the business of OA. They also have a personal dynamic. To quote a Narcotics Anonymous service body:

The 12 Traditions describe the external environment (the surroundings of, and influences on, a particular item) that is required for a Narcotics Anonymous Meeting, Group, and Service Structure to exist. The Traditions do not describe a process of recovery. The process of recovery is outlined in the 12 Steps. The 12 Traditions describe the primary purpose, collective need, requirements for membership and service, priorities, and restrictions necessary for the process of the 12 Steps to occur in an NA Meeting, within the NA Group, or any services performed by Service Boards and Committees that are formed by the Groups. While the 12 Traditions are commonly regarded as the rules and regulations of NA, they are actually a set of Spiritual Principals that create the perfect environment for the spiritual process of the 12 Steps to be shared between Addicts, Groups, and the Fellowship as a whole. This same set of Spiritual Principals can also be adapted and used to create a healthy environment within our families, workplace, and in the community.

"They are actually a set of Spiritual Principals that create the perfect environment for the spiritual process of the 12 Steps to be shared...[and] can also be adapted and used to create a healthy environment within our families, workplace, and in the community." Yes. Living the traditions in relationships with others makes good sense. But my issues at this point are more about dealing with myself. I certainly have other groups, but it's just me I need to see to today. I'll see other people at a meeting this afternoon, but up until that point I have no planned interaction with any other person. And most of that time I'll be physically alone. After the meeting, I'll go home and be physically alone again. At this point I need to apply the program not to my groups but to me, myself and I – the only group I'm normally with right now.

There was an OA retreat for the Silicon Valley group on living the traditions, and they get closer to what I'm trying to ferret out for me today. They suggest the principle for the 9th tradition as it applies to me is responsible organization, not formally organized. Yes. That's what I need right now. I've told you of my list of things to do today - going back to an iProcrastinate app I hadn't used for a while. And certainly it's a tool, but my goal for the day can't be checking off everything on that app. It has to be living a meaningful life, being in turn with what God wants me to be doing today, and DOING that.

Okay. I've got other things I need to address today. And now I'll address them because they're the next right thing to do, not that they need to be checked off the calendar on the app. Thanks, God, for leading me here. What can I do for you next?

Preceptor

I learned a new word today. Preceptor. It shouldn't be a new word. Know why? Because it's in Overeaters Anonymous, 2nd edition. The Acknowledgement begins:

This book would not be possible without our great preceptor, Alcoholics Anonymous. 

My dictionary simply defines the word as "a teacher or instructor." Obviously, though, the word is derived from "precept" which gives a deeper understanding of the role of a preceptor. Merriam-Webster says a precept is:

1. : a command or principle intended especially as a general rule of action
2. : an order issued by legally constituted authority to a subordinate official

So, the teacher, the giver of precepts, the educator is the general rule of action, or as the Big Book says, the basic textbook, the lesson plan, the curriculum of the Twelve Steps. "Legally constituted authority" rings of the lesson on pages 60 and 61 talking about, "Most people try to live by self-propulsion," and "if only people would do as he wished, the show would be great."

I'm not in charge. My only job is to turn my life and my will over to the care of God as I understand him and to seek only to know His will for my life and to have the power to carry that out.

May the Twelve Steps be my preceptor today, this day, the only day I have.

Awesome Reading this Morning

No, it's not OA material. It's not even Al-Anon approved, but it is Al-Anon. And Powerful.

"Sobriety means getting rid of the bottle and the baby." Those words are from a physician who directs a fine alcoholism treatment center. What does he mean? The still-sick alcoholic not only has a problem with alcohol, but with immaturity -- to the point of infantile social behavior.

One of the ways this irresponsibility manifests itself is in the alcoholic's high degree of selfishness -- an infantile narcissism which means that, after the booze, he is the important one. It's a long way down the line before anyone or anything else is truly important, except that which helps him get momentarily puffed up -- serving his illusions of grandeur. This is not an exaggeration of facts, merely a statement of them as they are, part and parcel of his disease....

Unfortunately, the facts don't seem to indicate he's going to, on his own, have a great change of heart and become a caring person. The facts say he is a very sick man, not just occasionally, but always, as long as he drinks -- and that his disease is a progressive one. This means he will most definitely be getting sicker if he does not get well. It further means he will be in even worse shape to help you, should you become ill. 

There is one paradoxical fact that could, and would improve the situation  for you. The sooner you stop centering your life around him; the sooner you give his whole disease back to him; the sooner you let go of his problem; the better chances will be that he will treat you well!

Getting them Sober, Vol. 1 by Toby Rice Drews, pages 91-92

I think the sample I copied is legal under the fair use doctrine. But even if it exceeds those lengths, I need to write it here for me and for others. The book is copyright 1980 and out of print, but it's worth getting it and the sequels on EBay or any way you can. 

So, why does this Al-Anon advice ring true to me? Let me count the ways:

1. As soon as I'm back in my disease, I'm acting childishly and the center of my universe is ME.
2. Those I care for who are not in the program who belittle me and disdain me are acting this out -- they're not intentionally saying I mean nothing, they just don't see it, don't get down that far on the list very often if at all. 
3. When I have spent my life as a people-pleaser, being the childish person who picks wildflowers and brings them inside fifty times because the first time they got a smile and a kind word, persisting in the behaviors that are supposed to please, expected to create a smile -- just don't. And never will.
4. My creating a distance, stopping feeling like "The Help" not only isn't selfish, it's beneficial to the other -- when and if the "other" gets over his pity-party.
5. And that last sentence. The last phase. What I've spent decades trying for. I've been trying all wrong.
6. That's the big one. That's the thing I cannot change. God, give me wisdom! And serenity!

Commitment

I have a couple of blogs - this and another in my name. And I've made a commitment to a third, DAILY. That's a big step. But it's something I need to do. It does commit me to recovery writing, though the other author and I have a stash of material we can start with. That will run out, though. The other blog can be found two ways: www.RecoveryDailyDose.blogspot.com or www.EagleWingsPress.com/daily.

I guess where I am right now is the recovery saying, "I can't, God can, I think I'll let him." I've got so many irons in the fire, how DARE I do this? But it feels right, and I didn't think I could do what I'm doing right now. Speaking of that, I have a major commitment I said I would do last night, and I came to the office this morning intending to do it first thing. But it's an hour before noon, and I will do it. Now. The big things are so much more intimidating before we jump in. And that's what commitment is, whether it's to blog or to write or to chair a major undertaking. And I'm committed. So I'm jumping in. Come along for the ride!

Blockage

I sat down this morning, the end of April, and accidentally clicked "Edit Posts" rather than create. I found this from two months ago that evidently I never posted. So I'll read and finalize or toss it. Let's see what happens...

Pipes get blocked. Blood vessels get blocked. Recovery gets blocked.

Though our decision was a vital and crucial step, it could have little permanent effect unless at once folowed by a strenuous effort to face, and to be rid of, the things in ourselves which had been blocking us. (Alcoholics Anonymous, page 64)

We hope you are convinced now that God can remove whatever self-will has blocked you off from Him. (Alcoholics Anonymous, page 71)

How does Recovery get unblocked? How do pipes and blood vessels get unblocked? A Roto-Rooter. Angioplasty. "If you have already made a decision, and an inventory of your grosser handicaps, you have made a good beginning. That being so you have swallowed and digested some big chunks of truth about yourself." (Alcoholics Anonymous, page 71.) Steps Three and Four - for a start.

Obviously I would have elaborated further. But at this point I don't see the need. I'll hit "publish" and come back and write what's on my mind this morning.

Decision time

I'm working on the new book, A Cloud of Witnesses - Two Big Books and Us by Barbara B. Rollins with OAStepper. It's decision time, cutting out time. And my words are my children, hard to let go of. These didn't make the cut, so I'm sharing them with you now. May God be with you and may these words go where they need to be today.

Hebrews 1:13-14

And God never said to any of the angels,

“Sit in the place of honor at my right hand


until I humble your enemies,


making them a footstool under your feet.”

Therefore, angels are only servants—spirits sent to care for people who will inherit salvation. (NLT)

Angels are servants,

only servants,

like second class,

like riffraff.

Guardian angels,

a real angel,

as sweet as an angel,

gone to be with the angels,

with the riffraff? With servants?

Perspective’s everything.

When speaking of one higher than angels,

how high they are

fades in importance.

I’m okay. I’m fine.

Even if I’m lesser, riffraff when contrasted

that doesn’t mean I’m not fine, high enough

not real.

God, enough of my ladder,

folks higher, lower,

none on my rung.

I’m lonely. Enough with

knowing about, not knowing.

Hebrews 2:14

Because God’s children are human beings—made of flesh and blood—the Son also became flesh and blood. For only as a human being could he die, and only by dying could he break the power of the devil, who had the power of death. (NLT)

Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 146

After your man has gone along without drinking for a few months, you may be able to make use of his services with other employees who are giving you the alcoholic run-around… An alcoholic who has recovered, but holds a relatively unimportant job, can talk to a man with a better position. Being on a radically different basis of life, he will never take advantage of the situation.

Same, same;

different, different.

Same, different,

different same.

Some differences matter – big time.

Others flavor.

You tell me it’s fine to have just a bit,

I’ve earned it, I’ve done so well.

You’ve no idea what a snippet would do,

how total debacle would follow.

You have to be like me

to understand me,

to gain my trust in my insanity

with my recovery.

God, thanks for putting people in my life

who’ve walked this path,

who lead me to recovery and to you.