Golden Nuggets

The end of Step Two in the AA 12 and 12 has some real jewels of quotes:

This all meant, of course, that we had substituted negative for positive thinking. After we came to A. A., we had to recognize that this trait had been an ego-feeding proposition. (AA's Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, page 30)

Negative thinking is an ego-feeding proposition. Wow. How does that work? I think first of the idea of loathing myself. In doing that it seems like anything but an ego-feeding proposition, but it's that exactly. If I'm as awful as I used to tell myself I was, I was good for nothing, not worthy of producing anything, and got what I deserved. So why try? I can't change anything, so it's not wrong not to change anything. It's just what's my due, miserable thing that I am. Why try? I could do it I were somebody, but I'm nobody. 

Likewise, when I think it's all somebody else's fault, all this awful stuff happening to me, then I have no part in bad things that happen to me, and just given a little bit of a break, I could be wonderful and stun the world with my glory, but what can I do when everybody's making me just the miserable wretch I am? Sure enough, negative thinking about me or about somebody else feeds my ego. Interesting. And very insightful.

Defiance is the outstanding characteristic of many an alcoholic. (ibid., page 31)

And yes, we can add compulsive overeaters. The best way to get me to do something is to forbid me to do it. Even if it's for my own good, even if it's ME telling MYSELF not to do it, I'm defiant. Oh, boy, and I good at the defiance. I do shine there!

No man, we saw, could believe in God and defy Him, too. Belief meant reliance, not defiance. (ibid., page 31)

There's a story I tell, and I believe it to be true. To be honest, I think it happened once, but I tell it as a characteristic of my father, that he would look at me when I said, as I very very often did, "I'm sorry." His response? "Don't be sorry; don't do it!" 

Benjamin Franklin said, "Well done is better than well said." Lord Herbert said, "The shortest answer is doing." An Arabian proverb says, "A promise is a cloud; fulfillment is rain." Chapter 3 of the Big Book tells the story of Fred, the accountant, in his words:

"Then they outlined the spiritual answer and program of action which a hundred of them had followed successfully. Though I had been only a nominal churchman, their proposals were not, intellectually, hard to swallow. But the program of action, though entirely sensible, was pretty drastic. It meant I would have to throw several lifelong conceptions out of the window. That was not easy. But the moment I made up my mind to go through with the process, I had the curious feeling that my alcoholic condition was relieved, as in fact it proved to be...." (Alcoholics Anonymous, page 42)  

Well, defiance is action. But it's the wrong action. Faith, though, is not just thought. Like the Twelve Steps, faith is a program of action that's pretty drastic. To what extent am I acting on faith, and to what extent do my actions reveal my defiance and therefore lack of faith?

This answer has to do with the quality of faith rather than its quantity. This has been our blind spot. (ibid., p. 32) 

Yep. God's there, like Daddy, telling me, "Don't make excuses or express regrets. Act right." But like Daddy, and way more than Daddy, he's ready and willing to give me the guidance and direction to do it right. And even more than Daddy when Daddy was Daddy, God knows how to do everything!