How Belligerent Am I?

I've noticed the examples in the BB and other writings tend to describe me when I think it through, even when I don't see it initially. In Step Two, The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions (Alcoholics Anonymous) start by describing the person who comes to the question of belief in a Power greater than ourselves competent to restore our sanity as "the belligerent one." This person starts with a "savage" state of mind, a person whose whole philosophy of life is threatened. The person cherishes the idea that man is the spearhead of evolution, the only god the universe knows. Well, this doesn't feel like me at all. I've always been a part of the church, have been church staff, gotten a couple of degrees from church schools, taught teachers and classes, etc. But still, I realize my God wasn't real until I got to OA, my understanding, my relationship was but a shadow of the God I now understand and relate to. But did I worship man? (or woman?)

I wouldn't think so. I don't think so. But the steps they use to counsel this person are to take it easy by: (1) the recovery program doesn't require, demand that you believe anything. (2) you don't have to swallow the whole idea right now. (3) All you really need is a truly open mind. "Resign from the debating society and quit bothering yourself with such deep questions as whether it was the hen or the egg that came first." (page 26.) Okay. This is where it starts getting personal. I believed in God all right, but in my "intellectual" theology. I could argue the nuances and tell you why the majority of people were wrong, I could and did disdain the faith of "common" people, and I felt superior because I had researched and studied it and understood the theological implications. Yep. I worshiped man (or woman) and it was the fact my mind was so good at getting the concepts right that was the problem. I was belligerent, okay. So we'll look at types 2 and 3 and see if I fit them, too, but not tonight.