Grasping

The Big Book speaks of "grasping and developing a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty." (Alcoholics Anonymous, page 58) My dictionary says grasp means to seize and hold firmly. How do you grasp a manner of living?

I'd decided to do more program-related reading this year, and I picked up Chuck C.'s A New Pair of Glasses. Though I've bought the book twice, I guess this is the first time I got this far (10 pages?? Something like that) reading it. But I've spent lots of hours listening to Chuck C give the speech next to my ear. And this is early enough in the book/speech I was usually awake. But I never "grasped" this part of the message. Chuck said this was essential, that without grasping and developing the manner of living of the Twelve Steps, we fall back into the chaos from which we came. So, it must be possible to grasp recovery. How do I go about that?

1. Well, I read program literature.
2. I act as if when I don't want to deal with the program.
3. I start each day reflecting on where I am, where I'm going, and Who is going with me. Amend what. Who I'm going with.
4. I get really serious about the Tenth-Step stuff "on retiring."
5. I realize when I'm not rigorously honest, I'm not grasping and developing the right "manner of living." The proof is in the pudding, in other words. Well. Not the pudding, unless it stays on the shelf. And that's another issue for me. I've been finding too much comfort in sugar-free pudding. When I get rid of the stash in the pantry I'll..... No. No more pudding when it's not part of a meal shared with other people. No private puddingfests. I don't like this number.
6. We've got nine tools now in OA: abstinence, meetings, phone, writing, anonymity... Looks like I need to work on using the tools when I can't even list them. They are: a plan of eating, sponsorship, meetings, telephone, writing, literature, anonymity, service, and action plan. I do pretty well on the plan of eating at this point (well, pudding not included), and I'm working on adding to the Voices of Recovery and For Today I normally read each day. I'm determined to blog weekly as a way of writing as well as of service. I call my sponsor and I sponsor regularly. I go to a meeting regularly, could add other meetings but don't. Anonymity I've got down. Service I do fairly well. An action plan? I ordered walking shoes yesterday. And that ton of a telephone. Sigh. Okay. Use the tools. Nine of them.

I think I have the picture. And believe me, this is an example of rather rigorous honesty. Sigh.