About Resentments

The counselor, in suggesting I work with the old humiliation/shame feelings, directed me toward the story in the AA BB on page 544 (4th ed.) "Freedom From Bondage." I'd read the particular page she mentioned, 552, yesterday morning but with more time today I read the whole story. Boy, does it speak to me. Bits and pieces that tug at me:

• I am a result of the way I reacted to what happened to me....
• ...aware of emotions I'd not counted on: restlessness, anxiety, fear, and insecurity....
• ...I had acquired an average amount of intellectual training in the intervening years, but there had been no emotional maturity at all....
• ...necessary to escape from myself, for my remorse and shame and humiliation ... were almost unbearable....
• With deep shame came the knowledge too that I had lived with no sense of social obligation nor had I known the meaning of moral responsibility to my fellow men.
• ...reality too has two sides: ... but now I had a chance to learn about the pleasant side as well....
• "happy are ye who know these things and do them."
• "The only real freedom a human being can ever know is doing what you ought to do because you want to do it."

So. Those will guide my today. Yesterday? During a long download when my computer wouldn't do much else, I opened and played the sudoku program. The pull wasn't there, and I didn't get the rush from the addiction, but that was playing with fire and with God's help won't get repeated. And I ate lots more cheese yesterday than I should have. (about 2 ounces.) Today will be better, because I'm walking with God and have asked him to control my thoughts.