If wishes were deeds....

We could wish to be moral, we could wish to be philosophically comforted, in fact, we could will these things with all our might, but the needed power wasn't there. Our human resources, as marshalled by the will, were not sufficient; they failed utterly. (Alcoholics Anonymous, page 45)

I didn't do my reading this morning, just a quick prayer, and at this point all I've got is the Big Book, but of course that's plenty. My sponsor yesterday looked at a list of things I needed to get done and told me, "Do this list so you can be free. 'We don't shrink at anything.' p. 79 and also p. 80, BB." This portion of the Big Book, the one I started by quoting, is talking about wishing to have the benefits of a spirtual life, trying to get them through the thought process rather than what I was wishing in making the list, but the result is the same. Making the list, defining the ideals, these may be a step in the direction, but they're not getting there. There's that solid wall of the utter inability of thinking about something and having it done by that alone. Action is required, either simply cleaning up the stuff, writing the things, making the calls, etc., -- the things on my list -- or that big step I worked on all my life, establishing a really personal relationship with God.

 

It could be argued the latter, establishing the relationship, is just another thought process, or at least internalized, but absent putting it into practice, it remains an idea, a wish, a thought process. A long, long time ago, which I was a student in college, a wise woman said, "Too many people keep getting born again and never get around to growing up." I think she was talking about the physical acts necessary to reinforce the mental ones. Reading the literature, working the steps, using the tools of recovery, reporting to God each morning for our marching orders, asking for the pwer to carry them out, then listening to what he says we're to do during the day and doing it, not just making one more list. And it looks like a long day is -- well, a long morning -- drawing to a close, and I'm not tied in this chair as part of my job, waiting for people to bring things to me, so I'll go get the other meditation books and then tackle the list. It looks like both the sponsor and the marching orders are telling me that today. 

 

Here I am, God, reporting for duty. Keep on givng me power to plow through your work.