Simple. Destruction of Self-Centeredness

Bill W's story gives the first description of the promises:

My friend promised when these things were done I would enter upon a new relationship with my Creator; that I would have the elements of a way of living which answered all my problems. Belief in the power of God, plus enough willingness, honesty and humility to establish and maintain the new order of things, were the essential requirements.

Simple, but not easy; a price had to be paid. It meant destruction of self-centeredness. I must turn in all things to the Father of Light who presides over us all.
There were revolutionary and drastic proposals, but the moment I fully accepted them, the effect was electric. There was a sense of victory, followed by such a peace and serenity as I had never known. There was utter confidence. I felt lifted up, as though the great clean wind of a mountain top blew through and through. God comes to most men gradually, but His impact on me was sudden and profound. (Alcoholics Anonymous, pp. 13-14)

It seems that most often I've looked at this as a conversion experience. This morning when I read it, I saw it as a working the steps experience. It's both, but I've never felt the need for a "conversion" and am comfortable with my relationship with God. But this and something my sponsor told me this week are rolling around on the table of my mind, working on me at this point. My sponsor said:

Continue to pray for the belief that God will restore you to sanity in the area of compulsive overeating and computer games. The greatest thing we need is not to do things, but to believe things. A willingness to believe is the cornerstone. To believe is to commit....

Food and computer games or any other deterrence is only a symptom of our spiritual problem. The twelve steps does not ask us to do the things that are naturally easy for us. They only ask us to do the things that we are perfectly fit to do through the relationship with God, and it is from God the help will always come. "Our real purpose is to fit ourselves to be of maximum service to God." p. 77, BB.

Our ideals must be grounded in a power greater than ourselves if we are to re-create our lives. In order to be grounded there are roots that need to be dug up. That is because selfishness - and self centeredness - are the root of out troubles. As Bill W. wrote; "His roots grasped a new soil." p. 12, BB

"Enough willingness, honesty, and humility," Bill says. How much is enough? Enough to establish and maintain the new order of things. Okay. I got the establish bit done. I've got that much of enough. Maintenance? Oops. Not enough. Enough willingness, honesty, and humility. Like it says, simple but not easy. It takes the destruction of self-centeredness. Can I stay close to the center? In the picture? Can't I worry about seeing to my needs a little bit? Can't I address my own comfort? Nope. "A price had to be paid. It meant destruction of self-centeredness." That's a direct hit, not collateral damage, not a wound, not a dent. Destruction of self-centeredness. But isn't it worth it? Isn't feeling as good as I feel when I'm "in the zone" worth it, destroying the me who's made me miserable? Yeah. It is. "Continue to pray for the belief that God will restore you to sanity in the area of compulsive overeating and computer games. The greatest thing we need is not to do things, but to believe things. A willingness to believe is the cornerstone. To believe is to commit."